just mE* Shieri: + growing up (?) +

Yeah, it’s almost my birthday! May I skip telling my age? I’ve actually stopped aging at the age of 17!! When I tell strangers I’m 17, all of them has fallen for it.. :D

Anyway, other than my birthday, there is another special occasion on this very same day. Ten years ago, I met someone really special on my birthday. And whoever sent him to me, you’re the best! You brought me the most precious present I could ever have! I’m trying my best to keep this present as long as possible..

I couldn’t believe it myself that it’s been 10 years already since I first knew him and the fact that we’ve settled down together as a couple.

Honeybunny, Happy 10th anniversary to us!

Back to my own little corner..

I remember so well that when I was in Paris, other than spending my lovely moments in every little corner of my favorite city, I came across a book called ‘Turning Thirty’ and it looked pretty cool. (Yeah, I always judge a book by its cover! It works well with me though. :P) At that time I was in my very early 20s and I couldn’t figure out what is wrong with ‘turning thirty’..what is so special about ‘turning thirty’..why not 20 or 40? I bought this book! Did I say it was a novel by Mike Gayle?

It actually gave me a strange feeling (not in the negative way, though). I mean back then I always thought novels written by male writers were actually not fun to read at all, so I never got to read any. I only read chick lits. Something like Shopaholic series by Sophie Kinsella along with other books by her and most of other ones by Jane Green and Meg Cabot. But as I was in Paris, I wanted to try something different. I can say that I enjoyed this ‘Turning Thirty’, I finished it pretty fast. It wasn’t that hard to read, but it didn’t give enough feelings of ‘turning thirty’ - the whole point I wanted to know. I just learned a new word though - ‘Middle-Life Crisis’! I wondered if it was created for men only, as someone said this book was a lad lit. Eeww! :P

I asked my boyfriend back then as he was in his 30s (he still is now, only for about 2 more months :P) if he had a middle-life crisis at all. The answer was no, as he said he was still young..Hmm, OK! I didn’t know who else to ask at the time, so I kept it in my mind to ask myself when I was closer enough to ‘turning thirty’.

Now, as I’m approaching to that, I’m asking myself if I’m having a middle-life crisis.

I’m female.
I”m not a girl anymore.
I don’t feel like I’m a woman quite yet.

I’m married. Happily married. <– Though I don’t spend as much time with him as I always want. Meaning 24/7. :P
I’m a mom of 3. <– Someone who I never wanted to be. Sorry if it hurts anyone’s feelings..
I’m jobless. Unemployed. <– I once wanted to work so badly, but now very proud of doing nothing. <– Prefer this to having the job I hate.

I’ve got so much going on in my mind.
I don’t get to do stuff I like enough. <– Many reasons and excuses for this. :D
I’m scared. <– I can’t figure out what to do, where to go..

Life used to be so much fun, very exciting, full of freedom..

but now,

I feel like I’m caught in the middle..
I feel like I’m pursuing something I don’t know, and probably don’t want..
I feel like I’m not able to run away or hide myself..

The thing is I just found out I’m not having a middle-life crisis by the help of someone. Yay! :D

I’m still my old self - immature, childish, selfish, naughty, cheeky, crazy, lazy, silly - who doesn’t care about anything around her.